Songs For Hipster Country Beach-Swamp Jam Bands

"Culvert Play" by Dangerous Seabirds on the Perfectly Unreasonable record label.

When I awoke on an abandoned beach after fleeing rampaging humanists, I knew I was in trouble, but staggered into nearby Ocean Springs anyway. I avoided the horrific mess that is Biloxi, and the casinos within, because I didn't have any money.

There, I found a record shop, rotting facade, peeling paint. They  specialized in "Alt-Country Estuary Swamp Jams." It was specific enough that I knew the counter would be empty and shabby enough that I figured they might let me use the phone.

Long story short, I used the phone. Here's what I browsed as I did.

Dead Sea Catfish Rhythms, the first album by The Wiggins WigTwisting Swamp Warrior Trio. It featured their most popular song, "Baby's Barbels Don't Function In Brackish Waters."

The chorus goes thusly:

Baby's barbels are chemoreceptors.

Touchin' An' Smellin's all the same.

Lame when she's touchin'

Smelt on rocks with high salinity

The band Seagull Supreme Court  released only one album, Seagull Supreme Court Hears the Case of U.S. vs Approximately 64,694 Pounds of Shark Fins. The album sold poorly, and the band was forced to buy all printed copies, which are now buried in an undersea landfill off of the coast of Louisiana. Lyrics such as these may explain the poor sales:

32.34 tons of shark fins is a lot of shark fins but sea gulls eat shark fins

Again and again shark fins shark fins sea gulls eat shark fins shark fins

Your argument is invalid shark fins on the docks shark fins on the docket

Habeas corpus on heaped up corpses shark fins en banc on the riverbank.

Crab Corpse Beach Party only released one single, in the year 1978. The song, which was the title track to the unreleased album, Jimmy Carter Sees Venus, was catchy, though poorly recorded.

President James Earl Carter was a peanut farmer

Feet in the sand, that Billy Beer drinker

Foot on a carapace

Jimmy sees Venus, don't know what it is

Then our President thinks he's seen aliens!

I Seen Jesus In A Catfish Skull was the second and final album by The Wiggins WigTwisting Swamp Warrior Trio. Of particular note was the song "Nobody Likes Us."

They don't wanna hear us in Kiln no more

Wife's boyfriend threw us out the door.

Dog is dead and the kids ain't mine

Now I'm sittin' in a shed, makin' moonshine.