Heavy Metal Bible

The most metal picture I could find.


Here at Pearl River Flow, we like a few things. One, we like pretending to be more than one person. Two, litter by the river. That should be obvious. Three, Mark Twain and Robert G. Ingersoll. Four, lists that go to five. Five, heavy metal.

I mean, we like more than five things. Sure. But that's five things we like.

So, we grew up reading our bibles, and listening to heavy metal, and then being supremely disgusted when Christian music did not pick up the electric bass and grab some verses from that old testament. Except when they did! When they did, it was awesome.

But in case you're in a heavy metal band (statistics show that the readers of this blog do not actually exist) - welcome! Get ready to pen down some Old Testament of METAL.

To those of you complaining about which translation or context I'm fucking up, just grab your flaming baseball bat and gas mask and get METAL instead of complaining.

Track One: Answers in Genocide.

I kill the beasts of Earth

I drown the flesh

All living things

I will destroy

Drown! Drown in vengeful hatred!

Now - who will anger the Lord?

Track Two: Exodus of Hate

Kill the bull before your Lord!

Cover altar in the blood!

Cut the fat from the organs

That is my perfume

Take the flesh and skin and shit and BURN it!

This is what is commanded by your god!

Track Three: Ox Goad Genocide

Grab your goad for herding oxen

Thrust it through their eyes

Take it and murder by the hundreds

Drive them all to DIE

Shamgar will murder the father and the brother and the sons

Shamgar he will murder murder Shamgar he will murder all!

Track Four: Fuck Ethiopia

Forests cut down kill kill kill kill the groves

Build the towers and the walls

Build the gates and build the bars

Then kill one thousand thousand

A million men from the Cush

They flee as you chase and loot and crush

Burn the cities on the plain

Loot those that wail in pain

One million dead


We're really lucky nobody reads that book, or else blasted hellscapes like this would dot the Earth.

We're really lucky nobody reads that book, or else blasted hellscapes like this would dot the Earth.

Whoa, We Are Not Doing A Song About JOB. That is too fucked up

-signed, HEAVY METAL

Track Five- Psalt The Earth

God comes forth, Earth shakes and trembles

Hills thrown down in wrath they crumble

Smoke and fire come from his nostrils

God lays down black water and darkness to stride

Then he flies upon an angel and in the dark he will hide

Casting hail and fire at the light, blot out the sun

Raining razors and arrows, calling electricity

God kills you all just to save me

...we were going to do more, but.... damn, there's just too much material.