White People Church Is So Boring That...

"Oh no, this is gonna be terrible." - Dog, being correct.

For those of you playing along at home, or on the toilet at work, we present a simple joke premise: Church is incredibly boring. For white people. This is a fact that many a lame stand-up comedian could harvest for a rich humor-nectar. 

...assuming that the crowd was in on the joke. Not everyone has attended such a church (such as people who aren't white) or would get such a joke.

Anyway, white people church is so boring that...

....anybody here from Jackson?


...the reason they put a crucifix up front is to remind you that it could be worse.

...old people skip it to play golf.

...there's not a choir. There's bleachers full of old people, waiting to die.

...that they look forward to funerals because it's more exciting.

...that a guy can put a promise ring on his daughter and no one will notice.

...that they spoke Latin in church for almost two thousand years and nobody cared.

"Don't lose your head!"

...that they have to split it up, and have church twice a week, or else the old people will die.

...that sometimes, a guy will bring a box full of snakes, and hand them out, and it's still boring.

...that the mid-service wine break was too exciting, and had to be replaced with grape juice.

...that the first time someone tried to lighten the mood, there was a hundred year war.

...that a guy with an acoustic guitar playing "Kumbayah" is too heavy.

...even meth and male escorts can't get anyone's attention.

INFANT and a bowing headless person? Metal, or church?

White people church makes golf look like Game 7 of the NBA Finals.

Beautiful men and women kneeling and smiling in their finest clothes... and you still fell asleep.

...couples have to spend thousands of dollars keeping everyone awake for their wedding.

This guy is NOT AMUSED.