Illuminati Agenda: 2015-2016, Part B.

Note: Based on classified communications between myself and certain reptilian entities. Read at your own risk.


Location: Deep Underground.

Stan: "I don't get this. Which one's the agenda and which one's the meeting minutes? This is all out of order."
Carl: "They're shapeshifting alien lizards from another dimension, Stan. Their dates don't match ours. Didn't you bring the newest Beyoncé album? The date code's on the back."
Stan: "I had it on my phone. They don't let you bring your phone."
Carl: "Damnit, Stan. Anyway. The timeline isn't super important. I think the next scheduled outrage is "NFL players behaving badly."
Stan: "Is that before or after we implement sharia law in Branson?"
Carl: "You're reading the 'False False Flag' section. We're putting that shit on Breitbart in October. The same lady that did the animatronics on Dick Cheney and Kim Davis is gonna do it."
Stan: "Oh. Isn't 9/11 coming up soon? Don't we usually work on that?"
Carl: "Yeah, one of the presidential candidates is gonna 'disrespect the troops.' I thought you were on that one? Or is that me?"
Stan: "I dunno. It seems like, even if we don't do it, someone does."
Carl: "I think I figured out the order. It's 'disrespecting the troops,' then we're doing the NFL thing. Is it Jesus related this year?"
Stan: "Ugh. Yeah. I did NFL Jesus already. Sometimes I think they don't understand us."
Carl: "Well, they are aliens."
Stan: "Yeah, and after that I'm doing a holiday thing. A gay holiday thing, Carl. One of those 'My holiday is more important than yours bullshit things."
Carl: "The Gay Vermont Christmas Float kerfluffle?"
Stan: "Yeah. Do you still have the holographs from that reality show?"
Carl: "No, I gave them to JJ Abrams. So, wait! Are you doing the Gay Vermont Christmas thing, or the NFL Jesus Hologram? I fucking swear, the Evil Reptilian Overlord Agenda is a mess."
Stan: "I'm busy this season. I'm doing the gay Xmas, XXXmas, and then I'm supposed to be running IT on the holographs."
Carl: "THEN we hit the REAL presidential figurehead horserace. Same time as the Super Bowl. I usually take election years off, let the guys from the NFL rig the whole thing."
Stan: "Lucky you! I get called in all the time, so I figured I might as well get some OT this time around. You know what they say..."
Carl and Stan: "No one else knows how to print money!"
Laughter
Stan: "
I'm gonna do it remotely from the Federal Reserve."
Carl: "New York?"
Stan: "Yeah."
Carl: "Oh shit! Tell Garry I said 'Fnord."
Stan: "If Garry fucking shows up."
Carl: "Ah, classic Garry. Anyway. I gotta go convince the American Dental Association to change to the new mind control formula."
Stan: "Too bad they all drink bottled water!"
Carl: "Fuck you, Stan!"