We at Pearl River Flow started off 2016 with such endless, boundless enthusiasm. An enthusiasm this year has done her best to dampen and destroy. Yet we remain, for we are trashstonauts, voyaging in the ruins of the now.
Most Popular Article: INTO THE MURDER HOLE: Ah, the internet. As my most popular thing in 2015 was the result of a link from an actual, successful blog, my most popular thing in 2016 was the result of being involved in something made by an actual, successful YouTube star. Thanks, Jim. Would I kindly jump down in that murder hole again? Yes, yes I would.
Least Popular Article That I Thought Was Really Good: State of the Union Outtakes: It includes this line, which you must read in Barack Obama’s voice: "We cannot stand by and watch Star Trek become a joyful, action experience. In television entertainment, Americans demand plodding intellectualism and bleak humanist values delivered through dialogue and scientific understanding."
My Favorite Thing of 2016: GALGERAN: GALGERAN (it IS always in all-caps) had some serious Meat Space staying power, thanks mostly to the band PWRBTTM and some GALGERAN related counterprotests. This was also the first time I wound up in Pitchfork. All thanks to GALGERAN! His original story is also quite amusing!
My Favorite Fiction of 2016: NEW MINDS: A story about the facts of artificial intelligence: They pre-existed the computer. They run in your minds.
Creepiest Fiction of 2016: The Call Center: The mind-numbing tedium couldn’t be altering your mind, could it? And if it was, who would be altering it? And why?
Thing that Didn’t Hold Up Too Well, 2016: Mississippi Legislative Adventures pt 1: Perhaps the fact that there is no part 2 should show me something. Anyway, these faux-rageous adventures could not comprehend the actual inanity my legislative body would get up to in 2016. This line is still cool, though: “It was like a Roman orgy rendered in salt pork, devoid of sex or pleasure.”
Thing that Held Up a Little TOO Well, 2016: Phil Bryant Interview: Perhaps I didn’t realize that America was going to become a little more like Mississippi, perhaps I didn’t realize that a gold-plated Phil Bryant would become president of these United States. Well, you’ve still got this.
Thing that was Randomly Popular, 2016: Marvel’s Civil War: This may have had something to do with the movie coming out, because there’s literally no reason to read a madman’s review of a comic book series from 10 years ago, even if it has such witticisms as “Civil War is the only attempt to tie a war to a 9/11 that's more blatant than the war in Iraq.”
The First Showing of 2016: Fallout 5 Revealed: Yes, we beat every single gaming website out there and found a super-secret hack-stolen version of Fallout 5. Yeah, sure did. That was us. Yep.
Favorite Game Review of 2016: Far Harbor: Fallout, but Ruined by the Social Justice Agenda: Damn, I do a lot with Fallout on here. Probably got something to do with the post-apocalyptic garbage-hauling vibe! This one’s chock-full of references, random in-jokes, and secrets. See if you can find them all! You won’t win anything.
Most Improved Photo Collection of 2016: Abandoned Shoes. It’s probably my most iconic gallery, which says a LOT about the website. And I’ve found some seriously great abandoned shoes this year. And of course I put them on the website.
The Portent of Things to Come: Woke Sports: We’ve been adding some videos, some audio-visual offerings that will amount to a future podcast of sorts. This was the first time, and it was done by someone else. All our best work is done by someone else.
Thing That Did Surprisingly Well: A Confederacy of Dunces: The First Troll. At first, I wasn’t quite sure that people would take to my thesis, that Ignatius J. Reilly was the prototypical internet manbaby. I was wrong, this was my second most popular entry of the year.
Unlike the rest of the world, we had a hell of a 2016. We welcome the coming apocalypse, our raccoon overlords, and the endless trash of a new year! Here's to a hellish 2017!