If you're a business currently located in "Mississippi," you're probably deeply embarrassed by the state deciding that there are only three religious beliefs, and all of them are worth defending, constitution, common sense, and decency be damned.
Well, I've got good news for you. We're bringing back an old meme.
Welcome to Land Mass. Specifically, the Land Mass Between New Orleans and Mobile. Why come to Land Mass, you may ask?
Land Mass Features:
Low cost of living!
The ability to eat your weight in mosquitoes daily! (Bats love it)
Huge corporate tax breaks!
Poorly educated, gullible population!
The ability to discriminate against anyone infringing on one of your three religious beliefs! (Others do not count)
Churches on every corner!
Home base of Pearl River Flow, which employs trillions of bacteria!
A great climate for mildew and transmissible disease!
Separate but "equal" public accommodations. No more wasting taxes on pesky public schools!
A host of great historical vestiges, such as Original Flavor Segregation Academies!
Now, you may be asking yourself "well, that sounds a lot like Mississippi, which is kind of universally reviled at the moment, why would I move my business there?"
It's true. Mississippi is a national pariah, and has been for approximately 500 years, when a native told Hernando DeSoto that the name of the river he was attempting to cross was "Mississippi," which meant "great river," when in fact it meant "one whose stream empties into their own mouth. "
But "Land Mass" occupies the same space-time coordinates as Mississippi, allowing it to take in the hellish climate and mental morass that defines the State-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named. And while many state and local officials have forbidden their employees from officially traveling to Mississippi on business, there's no such injunction against Land Mass.
In fact, despite the fact that "Land Mass" and "Mississippi" share all known laws, tax codes, space-time boundaries, population, and culture, "Random Land Mass" is a far more socially acceptable home for YOUR business or non-profit organization (Prophet-Based organizations should move to Mississippi) - so move today!
In fact, Pearl River Flow is now moving from Jackson, Mississippi, to Jackson, Land Mass. This relocation should impact about 30 trillion employees (all microbiotic employees are paid a daily living wage). This is our firm religious belief, and as Land Mass shares laws with Mississippi, that gives us religious privileges*.
Welcome back to Land Mass, everyone!
*We have been informed that there are only three religious beliefs defined by Mississippi House Bill 1523, which leads us to believe (but not religiously, as that is forbidden by law) that there are only three religious beliefs.