Death Metal Daily

The Trash Ramp - or "Rust Wedge of the Airborne Assault"

FPJEROME: This particular entry was Inspired by one of my favorite tumblrs (tumblers? Tmblrs? Tumblurs?) - Resume Speak.  In it, everyday tasks are rendered obtuse and grandiose through the medium of 20 and 21st century business jargon and resume-padding verbiage.

So check it out. I'm sure he'll appreciate the two visitor increase!

Everyday concepts presented as heavy metal lyrics.

Normal Term

Health Insurance

Hot coffee

Police Brutality

Minimum Wage Job


Energy Company



Internal Combustion Engine


Nike Shoes




Abyssal Zone


Life Support

Maple Syrup

Life Insurance


Mountaintop Removal



Smart Phone




Penciled Note




Payment Prevents Death

Speed Burns the Skin!

Police Brutality

Famine Dispensary

Endless Eons of Extinction

Mercenaries of Ecocide

Living to Drink Poison

Endless Fathoms of Absolute Darkness

Powered by Explosions

Twisted Chemicals Pumped from the Deep

Walk on the Works of the Slaves

 Sepulcher of Trees

Lightening Enslaved

Carriage Insulting the Gods

Abyssal Zone

The Sword of this Holmgang is Money

Death Support

Blood of the Forest Ancients



Throw the Peaks into the Valleys

Slaves to the Arthropod Queen

Ritual of Approaching Death

Cyborg Enslavement Circuit

Shrieks of the Inhuman

Drowning Fluid Containment Array

Subterranean Pressure Harvest

Message from the Wood-Entombed

Global Pornography Exchange


Rejected Buzzfeed Articles

We tried to burn this barrel, but my compatriots didn't quite understand fire-building technology.

In the sun scorched wastelands south of the old dump, where no man dares tread, lie things that should not see the sun, secrets that twist the minds of men. Also, the city has some real estate out there for storage, which is a good idea, since property values are low, and it's a reclamation project, and the EPA offers generous grants on brownfield restoration... oh, wait, where was I?

Things that should not be!

Weird apparitions smoldering underneath oilslick waters. Tangles of hose and concrete spilling forth from the vegetation.

No, really.

Things down there are wretched and unholy, but the worst of these things I have uncovered came from the most unholy of world-ruining mental ichor.

Buzzfeed. That which haunts the men who once believed that the dark tower of slavery and gibbering madness was the Huffington Post, that word on the clotted tongue-stumps of those who whisper the vacuous shibboleth "Upworthy."

One billion dollars. That is the value of this noise that feeds. Well, close to that. One billion dollars by HuffPo rounding techniques.

But yet despite the evidence you would gather with but a few quick clicks, there are things that Buzzfeed nor Huffington Post nor Upworthy will push out onto the internet.

Here then, beyond the ken of sanity, are the things that Buzzfeed would not print.

.....I was going to make this joke, but robots did it already.