The Cube - Compiled Notes
Department of Physical Mathematics - Millsaps College, Jackson, MS
Notes gathered Nov, 2013, scraps from missing research team four. The notes were found, unlike the team, by the staff of Pearl River Flow.
Student A: "The cube is not natural. This much, we can attest."
Student B: "'All natural' is a marketing phrase that has no legally defined meaning. After all, what granola bar would contain an unnatural ingredient? What, in fact, would be 'unnatural?'"
A: "In the context of the cube, we may have an answer. A supernatural material. An ectoplasmic granola bar."
B: "A granola cube. Like a giant Gorp, made from..."
Student C: "For fuck's sake, we don't know what it's made from. That's the deal, guys. I swear, this whole 'put philosophy students into the math department' idea is just great on paper."
Student D: "Like communism."
A: "Shut up, Gary. But, it must have physical properties, correct?"
C: "Yes. Yes. It is, in fact, a cube. Almost perfectly a cube."
B: "A cube in the swamp. Alright, we found it in April 2013, and no record of it exists before then."
D: "Certain classified documents suggest..."
B: "They're not classified. And they don't suggest anything like the cube."
A: "The cube defies explanation."
C: "No, it defies a good explanation. Alright, let's back up and lay off the drugs."
D: "Like hell I will!"
C: "Goddamnit, Gary. Look, I think it might be a mined material. Like a rock someone left out here."
B: "The geologists swore up and down it was manmade once they sobered up."
A: "Well, to be fair, they were drunk before you showed them the cube."
B: "AND after."
C: "So it's man-made, I think we can agree on that. It's too light to be stone, it's porous, but strong, not brittle, and while it does weather, it doesn't weather in any pattern I've ever seen before."
D: "Oh, so you're some expert on weathering, now."
A: "The expert on mineralogical weathering slammed the door in our faces and yelled at Gary."
D: "I insisted on asking hard questions."
B: "You kept going on about 9/11."
D: "Way to stick to the official story, sheeple! Wake up, Johnson! The truth is..."
C: "We don't know the truth about this goddamn cube! Shut up about Truth! The cube isn't a rock, it's not concrete, maybe it's a plastic?"
A: "There is a nice violet growing up in the corner. Maybe that tells us something. Like, it's not toxic. To violets."
C: "Okay, yeah, and there's some moss, too. So moss and violets."
B: "A plastic?"
C: "Plastic is such a wide term. I think it might be the remnant of a manufacturing technology."
D: "Alien technology."
D: "I want that job at CNN, dude."
A: "No human manufacturing could create something so light yet sturdy. The cube exists, gentlemen."
C: "Uh, and ladies."
A: "How come you didn't say anything when (REDACTED) called you a 'dude' earlier?"
C: "Dude's different. I can temporarily be 'dude' I can't be 'gentlemen."
A: "Alright, ladies and gentlemen. The cube exists. It is a fact. Given what I know about quantum physics, the cube exists in all coherent universes."
C: "You don't know shit about quantum physics."
D: "Exactly. It's like Deepak Chopra said. The less you know about quantum physics, the more you can use it to explain shit."
B: "So you're saying that the cube goes all the way through the core of the Earth.
A: "We need to mount an expedition to Jackson's antipode."
C: "I literally just informed you about antipodes an hour ago."
B: "Ahem! Ladies and gentlemen, the cube should extend out onto the seaflood somewhere between Madagascar and Australia. This should be easy enough to find."
C: "No, it shouldn't."
A: "What is the cube? What is it made of? It's a thing, but oh god, we don't know anything about it. It was too hard to sample! Too hard for our human tools!"
B: "You didn't chip it because you said you didn't want to get coal miner's lung!"
A: "It could have happened! It's a fact! You either have black lung or you don't, so there was a 50-50 chance I could have gotten it by chipping that weird..."
D: "Alright, I've got a buddy at DARPA. He's been telling me not to ask any questions about the cube. Not to investigate it. Not to observe it. Now, if that's not quantum physics, I don't know what is."
C: "You don't know! That's the fucking problem!"
A: "uh, did you hear that at the door? What's wrong with the computer? Our... the lights..."
B: "The cube! It's here!"
D: "ALIEN TECHNOLOGY!"
C: "Oh shit, it's..."
There are no further notes, aside from sprawling chemical equations that multiple learned professionals insist are "impossible," or "pranks."