The Mississippi State Capitol, seen here being remodeled into a final, more destructive, shittiest form.

Here at Pearl River Flow we rarely talk about political nonsense, and if we do, it's on the Downstream. Yet the 2015 election, and the dismal choices Mississippians reinforced during the contest, were so bad, that I felt as though they needed to be reported without embellishment.

Election Results

Hearts 89%, Stars 9%

Trek 75% Wars 20%

Netflix 64% Chill 32%

Cake 77% Pie 21%

Death 55% Dishonor 44%

Kirk 62% Picard 24%

Prequels 51% Original Trilogy 48%

McDonalds 72% Whataburger 22%

Waffle House 92% Huddle House 5%

KFC 53% Popeyes 35%

LEET 45% 1337: 37%

Law 48% Order 48%

Jango 55% Boba 45%

Prisons 60% Schools 37%

Enthusiasm 80% Math 30%

ALL CAPS 44% Proper English 25% Illegible 30%

Monarchs 76% Democracy 20%

Hate 82% Heritage 11%

Archer 67% Janeway 30%

Nagasaki 55% Hiroshima 44%

Family Guy 66% The Simpsons 33%

Dracula 52% Frankenstein 47%

Wolf 61% Man 35%

Werewolves 90% Wolfweres 7%

Greedo 59% Han 41%

Clearly, Mississippi is the worst state. The staff of Pearl River Flow regrets to report this news at all. We disagree with all of these decisions, save the votes for Waffle House and Wolves. Our editorial stance from this point on is that Democracy is a hoax of the ruling elite, and the blood soaked machines that keep it running should be dismantled.