A while back, we (me) at Pearl River Flow decided we'd do a little something different. Rather than doing interviews with molluscs, egrets, beavers, and Neil deGrasse Tyson, we figured we could interview real human beings.

The outpouring of interest was intense, to say the least. Rather than attempt to sift through the multitude of requests and discern the most worthy interview candidate, we decided to try the time-honored technique of - a treasure hunt.

Nicholas Cage Style.

The loss of the Declaration of Independence was regrettable, and many historical monuments were needlessly damaged in the resulting carnage.

However, let us examine the steps that every single would-be-mini-celebrity failed to pass.

Step One: Find my email. This simple task winnowed out 90% of the so-called-devout. Several local comedians, given hand-crafted slabs of dead tree flesh inscribed with "ink" had the advantage of knowing that my email, is, in fact, fpjeromeiv (at) gmail (dot) com. Of course, it is listed elsewhere on the site, a fact that few were able to comprehend. Oh, and you also had to *email me,* a fact that escaped some of the fame-hungry.

However, some brave and brilliant souls made it to step two: Tell me what street this landmark at the Mississippi State Capitol faces.

Very few were able to make their way past the occult symbolism of the masonic conspiracy and stare directly into the eye of the Pearl River Flow Pyramid. Note: The Pearl River Flow Pyramid is not a pyramid scheme, it is a "wealth funnel system." A "reverse wealth funnel system," like a funnel set upside down, funneling wealth to you!

The Pearl River Flow Pyramid has had the eye removed. Still faces east.

Yet, a few prevailed. The masonic monument faced east - because of course it did - all of them do, given the chance - and if you're at the Shitty Decision Vortex that is the Mississippi State Capitol, to the East lies President Street. (To the West lies West Street, in a remarkably literal turn of events)

PRESIDENT. The word that would be the clue to the next step that only three brave souls (winnowed from The Many) could traverse. PHASE THREE: A PHRASE

Ezglcui skdd sfm wab gxei. Hwlrg mwiiw alb zbavw kwxxu. Lndfgtv sa mwv hgwu. Xux sfsj ndgrl Trwl.

Since most of my readers are improbably well-versed in the arts of cryptography and spycraft, you've no doubt already recognized this as a Vigenere Cipher, the type of cipher I utilized in the Woke Sports podcast to reveal the Illuminati secrets behind Michael Jordan, SKYHOOK, and alien life.

The passphrase was, of course, PRESIDENT. But none of the seekers could put two and two together, and I resorted to sending them base hints.

First, I mentioned Kryptos, the CIA statue, because the first two segments of the Kryptos statue are encrypted with a Vignere-style cipher. This was not enough of a clue for some of the best and brightest minds in Jackson. Therefore, I began to sneak into the houses of various participants and leave clues. Namely, the word VIGENERE scrawled on their walls, or paper, or whiteboards, or chalkboards, or what have you.

This was enough to get but one answer, dragged with prodding from but one half-awake sleeper trudging through the psychic miasma that ensorcels us all.

Using "PRESIDENT" as a passcode on the phrase above results in the clue: "picture from one two nine. point three six miles south. symbols on the door. the door faces east."

Now, the sleeper was awake. Their mission, though, was unclear, as they were reading it with the eyes of the sage, and not the novice. The answer was not hidden in deep coded things, the answer was to simply go and take a picture from 129, .36 miles south of picture, where symbols were on a door facing east.

129 of what street? President Street. Obviously.

None could do this. All have failed. There were no interviews.

Now, we give you a second, and much simplified, chance.

If YOU want to be interviewed in Pearl River Flow, the adventure of a lifetime (or afternoon) awaits! Simply draw (or describe using the proper coordinates) one or two of the triangles GALGERAN requires for his great machine, featured HERE.

There might be some sort of help in The Map, eh?

Good luck. Hopefully, I won't have to interview anyone.