In recent news, we discovered that The Mississippi State Legislature is not a public body.

By declaring itself exempt from the public records act, the publicly elected representatives of the state of Mississippi have declared that they are not members of a public body. This is the sort of philosophical madness usually attempted by rarified lawyers who truly are advocating for the devil, or stoned college seniors who take freshman level philosophy courses for the credit.

The real reason for this is banal corruption, so that they may meet as a republican caucus, a caucus which just so happens to have enough members to be considered a quorum, quorum being a fancy Greek or maybe Roman (the distinction was against the rules in the segregation academy education of my youth) word for “enough people that it counts.” So now they can decide on what to vote on and who likes it and all that without having anyone watch. The votes, of course, will be tallied, but everything else? A mystery.

The perpetually clueless and incompetent legislators that argued this argued so from a brilliant standpoint that the law is “confusing.” We at Pearl River Flow believe this wholeheartedly. They are confused by many things, to the average lawmaker the world is a confusing and terrifying place, full of signs and mysteries they cannot begin to comprehend.

Had they imagination, what else might they be able to argue? We have a suggestion, an act of oversubtle legislative duplicity unheard of since the heady cock-measuring bathroom-bill days of Dick Billington, Mississippi Legislator extraordinaire.

Let Us Present: The “Air Bud” Rule:

We’re not saying there’s a rule that says a dog CAN be a legislator. There’s not one that says a dog CAN’T be a legislator, either. And if there is, it’s probably just as confusing as the Mississippi Public Records law.

So here’s some good names for dogs that could also be Mississippi state legislators.

Turd Gunnerson

Buck Chuckleton

Davy Doggett

Rex Whitedog

Debastapool Dapperdag

Corlinhoilin

Hob Bryan

Biggledty D. Noles

Mr. Jiggs

Pickens

Gordy Lightpaw

Doggity “Hot” Diggerton

Brice Wiggins

Joel Doggar

Fetch McBones

Poodleopolis

Buckatunna

Whisky T. Ford

Lt. Col. Snugglesnout

John Thomas “Trey” Lamar III

State Line the Blue Heeler

Dogton the City the Dog

Sgt. Labradorable

Sniffmor Butts

Philbo Bryants

Rufus