A blue, borded up storefront with a sign. The name of the business is spraypainted out. — The soon-to-be headquarters of Missississy, a clothing store for southern men

The Mississippi state legislature, noted proponents of ideas, has recently proposed that they act as a Venture Capital firm to bestow tax dollars to startups. Here are a few we think they should get behind.

Toomscoogle: From Lucius Cinninatus Holmes. A search engine for tombs.

Bi-Lux: From Gerimiaha Antigua Jones. This start-up creates fantastic bulbs and electrical outlet inserts designed to provide the finest bisexual lighting in luxury surroundings.

Y-Nana: From Poindexter Pines. An instagram filter that makes members of generation Y look like grandparents.

Bell-Zoner: From Laramella Biles. A handheld device that uses sonic technology cones to project the sounds of church bells into a town-sized area. Made of real brass!

Pin-E-Woods: From Lana Melon Loosh. Lets you select, or “pin” your favorite trees and get real-time updates on them using NFT (Nice For Trees) technology.

Hotter Coffee: From Igby Swurlinswood. A small USB-compatible device that fits one coffee cup, and allows you to heat that cup of coffee with induction techno-plates.

Rolling Fork: From Jerehardt Plunkugett. Allows you to see ranking of gas station foods in your area and uses the blockchain to ensure that said gas station has not recently come under new management that ruins it.

Mount 0-Live: From Hambone Tulliver. A live streaming service for church services. Or pornography.

McG3: From Rich Landtract. Lets you see real time updates on Highway 49 construction. Updated every 10 years.

Pickens: From Daryl Zyligerizer. An automatic banjo tuning app.

Man-D-Ville: From Edumundo Xylitol. A hookup app for people who are seeking men.

McComb: From Fist Mandrill. A partnership with McDonalds that arranges for unlicensed barbers to cut your hair in a McDonalds bathroom.

Yazoot Suite: From Naberville Langsroud. A subscription service that provides loot-box style zoot suit deliveries and other related 90s and SKA ephemera.

Pass Christian: From Randi “Nancy” Fae Leeg. A mapping app that allows you to take routes that pass the maximum number of churches per mile.

Ross Barnett Reservoir: From Abelswad Wadsworth the VII. A Facebook add-on that uses natural machine language learning to replace racist phrases with racist euphemisms, dog-whistles, and references.

TYLRTWN: By Tyler Brescott. A bespoke NFT (Non-fungible Tyler) curation system.

MANTEE: By Quavard Gulchilk. A subscription men’s T-shirt service.

Cant-on: By Jeeni Ozmoso. A spray-on substance that prevents the attachment of future iron-on decals on t-shirts and jeans.

JAXON: By Manos Empleo. A mechanical handjob machine with the slogan. “This robot creates jobs.”

0X4D: By Snivellian Lamar Alexandar. A machine learning program that acts like a frat boy, saving real frat boys the time and effort of using social media. Unfortunately, the sorority version became self-aware and self-deleted.

K1LN: By Brett Favre and Shadward “Shad” White. A fully automated program to take fast-talking football players and coaches and launder away money that the state was supposed to give to poor people.