So You're Seceding from the Union

Join us in the post-economy! It's called that because all you can buy and sell are posts.

We can't imagine why you'd do it, but... some of your states of these United States may be considering a secession from the union. We here in Mississippi have some expertise in this particular subject, and don't want you to make the mistakes of the past. Most important, as the Brexit has shown us, is to have a clever name for your campaign to disjoin whatever organization it is you don't want to be a part of any longer.

Therefore, we present this list.

Note: Parts of this list appeared in an earlier Pearl River Flow, "Brexit, American Style."

Alascramba

Alascan’t

Arigoneza

ArkansawwwHellnaw

Caligoneyah

Coloradon’t

Connecticcuttinout

Delaweareouttahere

Florigo

Georgone

Ha'Bye-ii

I’mago

IlliNosir

InWeaint-a

IoWhoa

Ka’intsas

KenTuckandRolly

Louisiain’tHereNoMore

Main’t

Marylongone

Massashootsouttahere

Michican’t

MinneGOta

Mississayonara

Missohrealli?

Gonetana

Nahbrosgo

Evada

Nope Hampshire

Now Gosey

Old Mexico

New New York

Nope Carolina

Now Dakotgo

OhByeOh

Nopelahoma

Oregone

Pennslyvanityproject

Rode Offland

South Goneolinea

So’s Dagothough

Tenneseeya

Texit

Utaint

Vermaught

Virgoneya

Washingtout

Less Virginia

Wisgonsin

Whyohmout

FPJEROME

#Brexit, American Style

First step's a doozy.

First step's a doozy.

Since we live in a post-apocalyptic swamp ruled by raccoons and madmen, we welcome any other state to join us. Given the "success" of the British exit from the EU, cleverly titled the "Brexit," we decided to come up with some campaign names in case any of these "United" States wish to join "land mass" in isolation.

Alascramba (Alabama)
Alascan't (Alaska)
Arigoneza (Arizona)
Arkansawwwhellnaw (Arkansas)
Coloradon’t (Colorado)
Califorgetya (California)
Connecticuttinout (Connecticut)
Delaweareouttahere (Delaware)
Florigo (Florida)
Habyeii (Hawaii)
I'mago (Idaho)
Ka'intsas (Kansas)
Michican’t (Michigan)
Mississayonara (Mississippi)
Mexit (New Mexico)
Nawbraska (Nebraska)
Gonetana (Montana)
WyGOming (Wyoming)
Ohbyeio (Ohio)
Nopelehoma (Oklahoma)
Oregone (Oregon)
Tennesseeya (Tennessee)
Texit (Texas)
Washingtout (Washington)
Vermonouttahere (Vermont)
Wisgonesin (Wisconsin)

FPJEROME

Contest Ends Soon

The great trash-winning contest will soon be over! You've got until Monday to win THIS beauty:

WHAT IS IT?!

Monday, September 8th, I will select the comment on the website I deem to be "most amusing." The commenter will win this hollow glass ...thing. It has a hole in the top and bottom, and would maybe make a nice aquarium feature or air-plant planter or on the end of your bottle tree, or would look good in any modern retro-apocalyptic hideout. If you're here in Jackson, I promise hand delivery. If you're not, I'll ship it to you at no cost to you. If you want it to be arted - I'll do something to it before sending it you. If you just want a globe, you'll just get a globe.

Now, get those razor-wits dulled on the facial hair that is the NEWSFLOW.

CONTEST - Win TRASH!

You could win a USED PLATE!

WIN! BE A WINNER!

Dear Reader, have you ever looked through these photo galleries (statistics suggest that 41% of you have at least looked *at* them) and thought to yourself "Wow, I wish I had some of THAT sweet loot?"

Well here's your chance to win junk by being funny. This is a humor-site (statistics suggest that 85% of you don't believe any of this to be funny at all) and you could make it more amusing and win something!

Just leave a comment on ANY article or section of the website. Funniest comment wins. Simple as that. You can leave as many as you want, or win with a single golden jab. Comment on ALL the articles. Make a joke down here. Feel free.

This will mark a momentous occasion when A: People leave comments. and B: I read them. I guarantee you neither will happen again.

When you win, I'll go to the swamp and hand-pick something JUST FOR YOU! I'll then either clean it or preserve it and make sure it's something that you can actually have in your house without attracting ants.

The contest will end when I feel like it's been won, though I'll probably give everyone a couple of weeks. If you don't live in Jackson, I'll mail it to you or wait till you come to town.